Joe was an adventurer who loved life and enjoyed travelling the world. He loved freedom, she loved the security of home. Carri had become bitter because she felt as though she always acquiesced to his desires.
By continuing to dream together they cast of vision of what they wanted their future to look like. In the process, Carri realized that she still admired Joe’s adventuresome spirit and would probably enjoy sharing in Joe’s dreams of “living in a distant land for a greater cause” if they maintained a place they considered “home.” Finding common ground was very helpful!
After establishing some good will toward one another, Carri took a big leap. She decided to share her journals with both Joe and me. They told the story of her resentment about moving out of the country, the depths of her depression while away, and the beginning of her growth journey -which began after she left Joe. She was very hesitant, but knew that if they were ever going to reconnect there would be risk involved. There were many things Joe could have taken offense at, but he didn’t. He wanted to talk through it and hear her heart. He wanted to get to know the woman he’d been married to for 28 years, and was willing to listen and try to understand without being defensive.
There were still some huge obstacles. Joe was happy Carri was getting stronger, but didn’t know how to handle the time apart. He was terribly lonely and needed to find a way to cope. He said he was committed to the process but worried that he would fall into old patterns.