Being Sweet
I’ve known a little secret for a long time, but only recently have I (in my conscious mind) applied it to relationships. When I read an article that was titled something like “Save Your Marriage – Stop Talking About Your Problems” by Mert Fertel I realized…..”but of course, – this little secret works to heal hurting, and even dying, relationships” (although I have to admit when I first read the title I thought whaaat?) But then I realized – it’s what I do, what I believe and it’s what coaching is all about!! It’s the path I take whenever I’m ready to move forward because it ALWAYS works.
So what is IT? What’s my little secret?It’s simply “forgetting what lies behind and pressing on toward the goal,” or as the article put it, stop talking about the past so you can get on with a better future.
You may say, “yeah right – you have no idea how messed up our life is! That is simply not possible.” And I would say, “if that is what you truly believe and that is where you WANT to stay, then your doubts will be your truth.” However, if you can bring yourself to say “I don’t want this marriage — as it is — but I want this marriage. I want our relationship to be fun and full of love, trust, mutual admiration, understanding, encouragement, fun, romance, team parenting, perseverance, connectedness, fun, team decision making, intimacy, fun, listening, adoration, respect. . .” AND you’re willing to give some whole hearted effort into something different then THERE IS HOPE!
If you are in a relationship that is suffering (this works for all kinds of relationships – not just marriages) try this: For Now – stop talking about what’s wrong. To fill that conversation gap – dig deep and find something really kind to say – it does wonders. No backtracking though – be strong. Say it and mean it – regardless of the possible sarcastic response. Just remember mama knows best and didn’t she always say – if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.
Step #1: Don’t rehash stuff. Instead say nice things.