Category: Attitude

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September Newsletter

~Suzette’s Thoughts & Aha Moments~

I was pleasantly surprised how many people asked me why they hadn’t received a newsletter recently. I suppose I should have given you a heads up that I was taking the summer off. Below are two articles that were in my September 2014 Newsletter. 

Now it’s over, and I’m back to coaching, writing, taking a social media class, preparing to do Groups Coaching in January and I’m also in training with Stronger Families to present the Oxygen For Your Relationships seminars. 

My main article (below) is more like a journal entry with a purpose. Because of my interest in social media, I feel the need to say…. 

I am aware that Social Media is used as a platform for

many unhealthy mind games.

Some use it to elevate their cynicism or depression with posts like, “Consumed by existential dread I….” others play ‘Compare & Despair,’ thinking everyone’s life is great except their own. 

I almost deleted the article, because I had a great summer, doing lots of fun things and I don’t want anyone comparing or despairing thinking my whole life is somehow “better” than theirs – it’s not. I’m glad I decided to sleep on it before pressing delete.

As I slept (for a couple of weeks 🙂 I thought about the many articles and posts that share the dark side of me and even the difficulties of my marriage. Even in this article, most will notice several things we had to deal with this summer, but those who play ‘Compare & Despair’ will overlook them and note only the trips and parties. That is what their chosen lens allows them to see. It is a choice. 

I find it valuable to write and reflect. It helps me see the meaning and purpose for my life, and maybe more importantly, notice growth. I hope that by sharing you will be inspired to reflect and notice your growth.        

 

~Growing In Wholly Living~

Reflecting to Find Meaning, Purpose & Growth

In flight, I wrote – reflecting and writing about the events of our summer. 

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We had just spent a week in Honduras at The Leadership Center, a business school for very poor girls who are are incredibly grateful for the opportunity to get further education

June 2014 – Our summer kicked off on a Saturday when our youngest son graduated from high school. The next day, we had a back yard BBQ with close to 100 people attending. He decided he wanted a graduation party and used social media to his advantage. Oh my! Little did we (or he) know that so many people love him! The cards and gifts were overwhelming. He hand wrote 100 thank you notes which showed he assigned great meaning to that event. Reflecting on his actions, helped me realize the value of the event.I too am grateful for my life but I have a history of belittling my own life experiences causing feelings of insignificance and a myriad of personal struggles. By choosing the lens of insignificance, life often seemed meaningless. Take a look at my summer and note the lens I’ve chosen. It’s not a fake way to live, it’s a choice to look through a positive lens.

I am so grateful that our weekend was not ruined by the

very crazy weekend  preceding the party!

There was a deck project that went awry early in the week plus a broken septic pump and then, the day of graduation, an eruption in the back yard when the septic line was punctured! The laid back day reserved for the family to participate in party prep was gone! Instead, the guys spent hours and hours finding and installing the perfect PVC pipe so we could have working toilets, and I went into high gear taking over all the projects, errands and food prep. It was a rough day at the Parker’s house and it wasn’t over yet!

After the school’s graduation festivities, we arrived home about midnight to find we were locked out of our house. The power was out and we only had garage door openers. After an hour of trying to break in without causing permanent damage, we spent a short and restless night at a friends house. The next day, Sunday, started early with usual obligations and ended with the party. We were completely exhausted before the party ever began. Even so, we had a great time and remember the weekend as a crazy bonding experience!

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Suzette & Dave celebrating with an ENCT

This deserves to be acknowledged. We persevered with joy through it all, even the volcanic explosion of the septic line. I am still shocked that we were all laughing and in good moods – all day long! We have definitely been transformed! Five years earlier, we would have been crumbling.

Aware that my husband and I would be emotional wrecks if we didn’t prepare ourselves for being empty nesters, we began making plans early in the year. Five years earlier our eldest son left for college and we didn’t fare so well. We learned the hard way, we needed to prepare ourselves! Planning an Empty Nest Celebration Trip was great. It kept us focussed on something we were looking forward todoing together. It had been 24 years since just he and I had taken a real vacation together.

Two weeks after the party we headed on our ENCT. Reconnecting, exploring, laughing and dreaming together were the main items on our itinerary. It was a fabulous trip! It did wonders for us as a couple, renewing the value and meaning of our relationship prior to kids. We highly recommend every one planning an ENCT.

Running into a friend from high school on our ENCT was an added bonus. We are still trying to fully grasp it’s value and meaning but definitely recognize it was a divine appointment not simply a coincidence.

Weddings of loved ones and another huge BBQ in our backyard are worthy of mention. They were events that could have come and gone without much reflection but there was unity of friends, family and church community that grew in powerful ways because of these events.

The day after we got our youngest settled into his dorm, we left for Honduras. We served alongside a small team of young adults at The Learning Center business school for young women.

While the girls need sponsors to start their businesses once they graduate, the school is slowly becoming operationally self sustaining. They learn how to be entrepreneurs by helping in this process. Business skills are learned both hands on and taught in the class room. While one girl learns how to operate and then is responsible for the water system, others learn then oversee the gardens, coffee plantation, chicken coup, kitchen, etc…

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Prior to graduation each girl has a business plan ready to put into action. The final step is finding sponsors to help them get their business off the ground.

Many things about this trip deserve reflection. I tend to value learning but as I’ve gotten older, it’s hard to remember that it sometimes takes years of preparation to be completely ready to execute plans. I think I have finally learned that it’s ok that it takes me a while to feel confident about pursuing something new. Theirs is a 3 year process.

 

I am also struck by the sacrificial love so freely given by the volunteers and especially the directors, Joseph and Hailey Rham. Though my choice of daily service is not the same, I want to live a life of sacrificial giving. Making a list of ways I currently give helped me by making me more aware of the value of my efforts and it’s helping me decide what I want to do in the future.

As I edit this journal like article, it’s now mid September and we’re having gorgeous, NW summer like weather so I will share one more experience.

Tonight we will be gathering with 4 friends whom we have not seen for years. Incredibly sad events have spurred this reconnection, but I am expecting there will be laughter and fun as we reminisce. I look forward to reflecting with them about how our lives are changed forever by our shared experiences.

Life is full of happenings. Don’t let them just come and go. As my mother-in- love has always said, “we are making memories!” Take time to reflect and ponder on how your experiences are shaping you – it’s good for the soul!

If you are not being molded into the person you want to be,
try reflecting from another angle. We get to choose which lens to look through as we reflect on our lives. It’s not fake, it’s a choice. Whether your summer was filled with sorrow or happiness, celebrations or experiences that taught you tough life lessons, they are all important and worth reflection – as long as the reflection is done through a lens that is helpful for your personal growth.

If you need a new lens and can’t afford coaching, be on the lookout for details regarding coaching groups/classes beginning January 2015. It would be a great way to start the new year!
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Perspective Changes Everything!

20140628_185831Through the eyes of a cassa nova, I look like this? I was in Italy – but really?  What I found out later is that it takes more time to draw wrinkles! I guess we didn’t pay enough to get reality so I look like I’m a 20 – nice!! Although, I don’t think I was ever quite that pretty but…. if you want to see me as youthful and beautiful, I guess I won’t complain. Ok, back to reality.

What is REALLY TELLING is that even through the lens of the photographer I look WAY better in the picture above than in the picture below.

It’s SIMPLY THE ANGLE from which he’s chosen to view me.

20140628_183437Suddenly I’ve gained 40 pounds, have scary eyes and an evil smile. Click the photo to enlarge it if you don’t see what I mean.

These untouched photos and portrait are perfect examples of how important it is to choose your angle carefully when looking at people.

Just like our physical appearance is dependent on the angle from which we are viewed, our character can also be viewed from various angles. We all hope to be viewed through a rose colored lens so that people focus on the good and beautiful parts of our personality. Unfortunately critical people do not see us that way yet there’s little we can do about it so there is no point in spending time worrying about it or trying to shift their focus.

Everyone is free to choose the angle with which we view people. One thing that can change the way people view us is to view others with grace – even our critics. Overlooking flaws and focussing on what is good in a person changes our relationships in incredibly positive ways. When we focus on the good we feel differently towards them which changes our behavior and almost invariably strengthens the relationship. Further, when we are less critical, we have more energy and our ability to positively influence the world grows.

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Our REactions Reveal What’s in Our Head & Heart

Screen Shot 2013-11-14 at 12.02.23 PM“The remarkable thing is I have a choice every day of what my attitude will be. I cannot change my past. I cannot change the actions of others. I cannot change the inevitable. The only thing I can change is attitude. Life is ten percent what happens to me and ninety percent how I react to it.” ― Charles R. Swindoll

Multiple credible sources say that life is 90% about our reactions. If that is so, it behooves us to learn to react in ways that are beneficial. To do that we have to decide ahead of time who we are because reactions come from that deep place. They may be flippant and short lived, or drawn out for months or years. . . but the truth is a reaction comes from what we believe in our hearts and in our heads.

Years ago, I reacted to a friends cutting accusations by reeling in hurt for far too long. The truth was she had seen right through me, but my pride kept me from realizing it and owning up to what she was getting at. My intent was mostly pure. I wanted to help. Had I been forthright and acknowledged the fact that she was right – I did believe she needed help because she was inadequate (ouch), things might have been completely different. Instead of lovingly saying, you are right, ‘I do think you are deficient, we are all inadequate in some areas – that’s why we live in community,’ I reacted with an uncalled for amount of hurt.

I’m not excusing her words – it was an attack and even upon my apology she ridiculed me telling me I was acting like an adolescent. But that is not the point.

The truth was, not only did I truly want to offer my help because I knew that my education had given me tools she did not have, I wanted her approval because she had status within our community and I believed she held power. Sadly, it took me a long time of reeling before I chose to examine my beliefs and change my reaction.

I know many a person, like me, who claim to believe that ‘all things work together for good’, or ‘everything happens for a reason’ but when things don’t go as planned they react in ways that that reflect quite the contrary. Why? Because they doubt the truth of what they say they believe.

If you are in the midst of a reaction that isn’t beneficial, I hope that you will not spend time letting the wound fester. I hope that you will re-examine your heart and your head and make the choice to change your reaction accordingly. As Swindoll says our attitude is something we can change.

If you have flippant, quick reactions that you are not proud of, I hope you too will get to the core of what is causing them – then do the work it takes to change your beliefs to what you know as right, truthful and beneficial for you and the world you influence.

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Introverts make Great Extroverts

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I want to recognize all the amazing introverts who have modeled this so brilliantly. Thank you!

I know it sounds crazy, but here’s my thought. I’ve noticed that many EXtroverts are amazingly engaging, wonderful people.  They do not have to think before they attend a social event about how they will spend their time, they just go and enjoy the people. This character trait is a blessing – to them and all the introverts they help put at ease.

On the other hand, a mature introvert thinks before they enter a room full of people. Once they get past the negative barrage of thoughts, they might begin to think things like, “What is my purpose at this function? Who will I spend my time with? What can I say when there is a lull in conversation? Of course the self talk varies from person to person and event to event. The point is that mature introverts are purposeful about their interactions and often make the exact impression they wish to leave because they have thought through how they want to present themselves. This is powerful!
When an introvert realizes that one of their main purposes in the world is to be light where there is darkness they begin to see the uncomfortable moments as opportunities.  This time of year can be chalk full of social engagements so I thought the subject timely.

As for me, I don’t classify fully as either an introvert or extrovert. Depending on the situation I can have an overwhelming sense of deja vu and the extreme shyness and self consciousness of my childhood comes flooding over me. I hate it when this happens! So, I am challenging myself to be a mature introvert – to be purposeful, using the power I’ve been given, to bring love, joy, peace, kindness and goodness to all and to begin viewing uncomfortable situations as opportunities to bless people. Adopting this mentality helps take the panic away, is rewarding and makes life a lot more pleasant.

Hope you’ll join me and enjoy the holiday season bringing light wherever you go.

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Positive Thinking Not Working?

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We’re a few weeks into the new year and they say 85% of resolutions have already been broken.  If  that’s true for you, my guess is you thought you had a pretty good strategy. You planned to muster up more will power and start your days with positive thoughts. 

Yeah well, don’t feel bad. We’ve been bombarded for years with positive thinking scams – it’s no wonder we, as a society, have fallen prey to this elusive idea that just doesn’t work.


Now don’t get me wrong. I am a huge proponent of making lemonade when life gives me lemons.  Looking for the good in life what I do, but thinking I will accomplish things just because my little mind wants to is ridiculous unless I use my little mind to put a plan in place to make it happen.  That plan has to have a few steps (or even just one)that I can take, today. And then a few more tomorrow and so on until magically, I reach my goal!  Too big of a step and I’m back to square one because my legs only stretch so far … past that point – I am injured.

Exercise is a great example. While we have to push ourselves a little farther than is comfortable in order to move on to the next goal, taking on too much will result in injury. So it is in life.  Injury or failure do not have to end  the pursuit. Everyone will experience them occasionally. Those who become successful are those who view the set back as a signal to take time to recover, then reassess move forward at a more reasonable pace.

Support is another key ingredient. Weight Watchers is highly successful because  they are there for support  and they help you with setting your goals. It’s not just one big number looming out there that feels totally overwhelming….. they help you week by week set little goals that will in time lead you to that big number – and it works! Almost like magic! 🙂

If will power and positive thinking have failed you, it’s not too late.  Find the support you need, set your goal and then make a plan with doable Action Steps.  And we’ll be saying Woot with you sooner than you think! 

Here’s a shout out for the 15% who are on track with their goals! Woot! Keep up the good work!  I’m confident, many more will be joining you soon.