Category: Attitude

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REDIRECT! REDIRECT!

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We all hit the wall now and then. The question is will you crash and burn or back up, fix the damage and redirect?

So often we hit the wall because we’ve neglected the whispers of wisdom that come in a variety of forms. Maybe it’s because we don’t always recognize wisdom? Maybe we think it’s negativity? 

Do you know what I’m talking about? Like when your plate is too full and you keep forgetting things – like dentist appointments (that would be me.) Could it be I just hate going to the dentist? Not really, but it was easy to think that, to avoid the truth.  The truth is I WANT my kids to get to the dentist and I’d forgotten their appointments! Hmmm, was this brain lapse possibly a gentle reminder that I am not great a juggling 15 balls at once?  A whisper of wisdom speaking? Yes! Fortunately I didn’t hit the wall. I was able to put the brakes on this time. But that has not always been the case.

Too often we get to the point where we can barely function, we have a fender bender, then think ridiculous things, like wondering what we’ve done to deserve this or, we’re not as capable as others or, we just have to be stronger.  Or have we fallen asleep at the wheel and can’t think at all, having analyzed things to the point of paralysis.

Hitting the wall in the first place is quite unpleasant but it happens. So when it happens, what’s a better way to handle it?  What about resting? If it’s not physical rest you need, it’s probably mental. Most of us can’t afford a week of solitude – we have too many responsibilities! But what about a day. NOT to catch up but to think, meditate, pray or journal – yes, a whole day. Long ago there was this thing called Sabbath. A day once a week when people rested – it was planned for, and it happened. What a great idea! So why not try it once?  Just surrender your agenda for a day.

Using some of the time to make sense of the chaos and listening for the whispers of wisdom that have been trying to be heard can bring light to your dark place. Looking at your experience of “hitting the wall” as a rude awakening is probably pretty accurate. The experience is more than a whisper of wisdom it’s the truth screaming loud and clear – REDIRECT REDIRECT!

A better way of living is to rest regularly and be on the alert for those whispers of wisdom, avoiding the wall altogether. Here’s to a year of not hitting the wall!

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Transformation is Inevitable

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I accidentally stumbled across a paper on my computer about transformation that my son wrote when he was a senior in high school. I decided to  share with you the first paragraph because it explains, very nicely, that transformation is in fact, inevitable.

Caleb Parker
Mrs. Raynor
Eng 12 honors – 6
19 October 2008

Transformation

Transformation happens almost everywhere. It happens in nature when flowers grow up from the smallest seeds. Transformation is visible when scientific theories develop from a few individual facts into a more cohesive understanding of a subject. Children transform slowly into adults. Transformation is a theme running rampant on earth. In his novel A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens exploits the theme of transformation. Transformation as an idea makes no moral judgments; it only describes one thing undergoing a change into another.  Dickens recognizes this concept and the transformations of his characters show this concept. Not every transformation is good or bad. Some transformations are good, some bad and some may even be neutral but in each transformation some element of human nature is displayed.

My question is, are you pleased with the transformation happening in your life? As people look on, what “element of human nature is displayed”?

While many transformations always follow the same pattern, the direction of your transformation is a decision of your heart whether or not it is consciously made.  If you want that direction to be different, you have the ability to change courses at any point.

My hope for you is that if you are not pleased with where you are headed, physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually that you will do whatever it takes to get on a new path.

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Brutally Honest

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I read an article last week written by a business woman who feared she was “too honest.”  She said she thought that her customers might actually be scared away by her honesty.  It made me think about my own honesty.

Years ago I was accused of being brutally honest.  I prided myself on my honesty but I certainly didn’t want to hurt anyone. Was it true? Was my honesty brutal? I knew that my intentions were pure but realized that with immature delivery, the point, whatever it was, would be lost.  There is a proverb that says, “Be kind and honest and you will live a long life; others will respect you and treat you fairly.”  – I want to be kind AND honest – not brutal!

I was somewhat confused by the accusation. I knew what it meant, but I thought my words were pretty gentle. I knew, even in college, that my friends valued my honesty and would come to me when they wanted the straight up truth.  ie: I gained a reputation with girls on my floor, and soon many were coming to me to when they needed another pair of eyes to determine if the outfit was flattering!  They kept coming back so I knew my answers weren’t offensive.  I don’t remember exactly how I handled it when I thought their choice was atrocious – oh, and some were! I imagine I asked them to bring options, so we could pick the best one.

I’d never been accused of  brutality before. Certainly, without gentleness, honesty can cause undue hurt. Examining my words a bit more carefully was surely not going to hurt, but as I did,  I began to wonder if  some folks just don’t want the truth? It was such a foreign idea to me,  could it be true?

Obviously, if people don’t ask, they probably don’t want to know, but what I’ve learned as a coach is that even when people ask, many do not want the truth, or so it seems. It is true some love flattery more than truth.   Ahhh yes, and here’s the rub.  Who says my opinion is the truth?  ME!  – don’t we all!!  . . . . but that’t another story! 🙂

More mature people and those who have a desire to excel want our honesty. They enjoy gathering people’s thoughts and opinions because it helps them grow. They are wise enough to recognize and  filter the source of the comments and enjoy assimilating (probably subconsciously) the information they have gathered.
When we are too tied to our thoughts and opinions and believe it is THE truth we can become overbearing, trying to get them to do things our way. Funny how those folks are rarely asked but offer their thoughts very often with force and power as thought it is in fact THE truth! That’s what I’d call Brutal Honesty.

As a coaches, we are trained not to offer our opinions, even when asked – and for good reason.  Most folks have heard, or can think of, a lot of opinions about whatever they are dealing with. Another opinion rarely makes a difference.  People are continually gathering information: opinions, ideas, facts, etc.. What helps is walking through the filtering process together.  Noting the sources from whence gremlins are coming and highlighting the things that might be helpful.
Even more difficult than filtering is utilizing and implementing what we’ve learned – great coaches excel in these areas.

The article I read was about being “too honest” honest, not brutally honest – that was my own soap box.  As I read through her piece I believe what was happening was information overload. Honesty is vitally important in life and business. However, it is crucial that we are discerning as to how and when we share.  We can indeed scare people away with too much information! We generally take things in best, a little at a time.

Lack of honesty usually happens in phases. Deception usually comes before outright lies. Most of us want to be honest, but when business, our reputation or someone or something we care about are at stake we may want to hide some things. This is our first warning signal.  Sharing at the right time and deception are two very different things. What is making us want to hide?

We can also hurt people with information they are not prepared to receive.  While it is sometimes necessary to share such things – it isn’t always. Discernment is key. Asking ourselves why we want to share something can be enlightening.
Our motives are not always pure. While it may be helpful for us to get something off our chest, if it damages another, is it the right thing to do?

Though some folks think complete vulnerability is what we are to be about, I beg to differ.  Even Jesus chose not to share some things with some people.

Too honest and brutally honest have some big draw back, how about we aim for kind and honest. We’ll feel good about how we’re treating people and have a clear conscience too!

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Lack of Peace?

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I once had a client who said she didn’t want peace because it sounded boring. She apparently knew my tagline – pursuing your potential, passion and peace, so she quickly let me know that she only wanted the first two ‘P’s.  She said she came to coaching because some stressful situations were depleting her and causing her life to be less than what she wanted.  The verse “Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” came to mind. She said  fully realized that it was her troubled heart that was zapping her passion and keeping her from stepping into her full potential.

I explained that I love that verse because it says “Do not let,” meaning we have the power to not let it happen. We do not have to let ourselves have a troubled and fearful heart. Putting that power into action takes conscious effort for most of us, but is absolutely doable, although it may not be easy because it calls for a shift in our thinking.

When we want to change a mind set it often helps if we combine both physical actions and/or visual reminders with mental determination. I think of it as circular. Our mental state is altered by what we see and do and our ability to act comes from our mindset.  After exploring some ideas of  what might work for her and implementing them she was free to feel passionately again and able to do the work needed to grow in her potential.   

A light bulb came on at some point and she said, “well, if this is what it means to have peace, then ok, I do want it” which was good because she got it! 

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What’s It Going To Take To Get What You Want?

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So much work to look like I do!

She said  she was getting gas earlier that morning and a complete stranger, pumping gas next to her, looked over and said, “I hate you skinny girls!” Jessie, my hair stylist said, “I don’t know what got into me, but I actually responded. I said, “well if you were at the gym at 5:30 every morning you could look like this too””.  To her surprise the lady said, “yeah, you’re right.”

Do you ever feel jealous of people who have what you want? But then you think about what it would take to get it and you feel defeated before you even begin?

Often people become so focused on the outcome that they forget about the purpose.  Dreams and goals can seem overwhelming when we get zeroed in on the outcome and if we think there is only one outcome that can fulfill us we may feel trapped – and when we’re trapped, we can’t move.

Try writing down what you want from the dream or goal. If it’s ‘to be skinny’ what do you really want? If you want to be healthier so you can extend your life expectancy and enjoy a more adventuresome lifestyle with your kids, then joining a gym might not be the only way to get skinny. Maybe joining a beginning hiking group or taking a course in kayaking – these options get you exercise and move you into adventures that you will soon be sharing with your children!  Sometimes we get defeated because we feel like there is only one way and we don’t like the journey so we feel trapped.

If your dream is to own your own restaurant, the payoff you want may be to have a schedule that you control and get paid to cook healthy meals. What if you find out that the zoning for your dream restaurant isn’t right and it’s a 7 year process to get re-zoning, or your financing falls through or …..  Sometimes pushing through the obstacles is the work we want to do, but sometimes there are other opportunities that will get us everything we want. For instance, you may find much less stress in owning a catering company or a healthy food stand in the middle of the city or you might find out about a franchise with great financing options. Zeroing in on having to have an independent restaurant is fine if that is the only way to find the fulfillment you desire, but often that narrow minded path hinders rather than helps.

Determining what you really want (the deeper purpose or payoff) from the dream or goal  is really the first step in moving toward it. If you’ve had one that has been on a back burner, I hope you’ll take time to write down the purpose, or payoff you’re looking for. It just may set you free if you’ve been trapped. It may look a little different than you first imagined, but the payoff may be even better!