Category: Attitude

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10 Questions To Improve Your Legacy

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The Big Question:  
If you knew you were going to die in 6 months but could not change your relationship status, job/position or financial status (no loans or credit cards allowed) what would you do to ensure you would be remembered as you wish?     

2) Who would you spend more/less time with?

3) What words of life and encouragement would you speak into your children, your spouse, parents etc.?

4) What unhelpful thoughts would you stop thinking?

5) What bucket list items would you be sure to accomplish?

6) What would be the most important thing you would want to share with your loved ones? acquaintances?

7) How would you spend your money that would show you honoring your values?

8) Who would you hope to influence the most? In what way?

9) What would you want people to say at your memorial service?

10) How will you begin to implement these things so that if you do die in 6 months, 6 weeks or 6 days you will leave the legacy you desire?

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What’s Your Perfectionism Prohibiting?

Dr. Brene Brown says perfectionism is a
“way of thinking that seeks to avoid shame, blame and judgement.”

Determining the difference between being a perfectionist and the pure desire for excellence has been a gray and blurry line for me. Isn’t it noble that there are things I have not done at all or have put off until I could “give it more time” because I didn’t want to do it half heartedly! I remember my Sunday school teacher saying  “if a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing well,” yet, most good things, taken to the extreme, can become a bad things.For me, that good idea crossed the line and  became a bad thing because it kept me from doing things -things I would have enjoyed learning and pursuing. But I didn’t. Because I knew it would take a lot of time and effort to become an expert. What I know now that I didn’t know then is that being an “expert” is as much a mindset as it is knowing the material! haha – I could get on a soapbox here but I will refrain. 🙂

Why not just do some things for pure enjoyment? Oh noooo….. that would be setting myself up for criticism. As Dr. Brene Brown says perfectionism is a “way of thinking that seeks to avoid shame, blame and judgement.”

I’d like to be able to disagree with Dr. Brown. I prefer to think I was a skilled at preserving the confidence I did have – not a perfectionist! But reality says that a perfectionist seeks to avoid criticism therefore, if they can’t do what it takes to do something perfectly or at least very well, they don’t do it at all.

My first Life Coach, Laurie Hardie, jolted me out of my comfort zone and I’ve never been the same. She encouraged me to do things that were risky but so much fun! Since then, I’ve realized that it’s ok to do things just for fun. If I let people know that I’m just doing something for fun it puts me at ease. My expectations for myself change.  I simply expect to have fun.

Please don’t get me wrong, hard work, discipline and life long learning are highly valuable to our well being, but we can’t be experts at everything, so why not let perfection go and enjoy life? It’s a lot more fun!

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When Your Thinkin’ is Stinkin’

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Though we may love the holidays, they almost always bring with them added stress. To experience joy and peace we must choose our thoughts wisely.

Unless we suffer from REAL mental illness, we have the ability to choose helpful and healthy thoughts. It doesn’t come naturally to most but it’s an important life skill that can be learned. It’s not taught in school yet it is more beneficial than almost any other life skill.

2 QUICK & SIMPLE TIPS
Ask yourself:
1) Do my thoughts help me be the person I want to be?
If they don’t, ask: 
2) What could I choose to think instead?

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Saving Relationships – Step #9 – No Time?

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I have to confess in the past I thought “I just don’t have time to work on my marriage” – or excused my husband because he was just too busy. Now I laugh when I hear people say this.  I know from experience that when I don’t take the time to maintain a good marriage it takes a ton of time (and for us – it took money too!) to restore the relationship.

I do wonder why God made everything in life take so much maintenance! From our personal appearance to our homes, cars and relationships….everything takes maintenance!  And when I don’t stay on top of things, they end up overwhelming me. When I don’t keep up with my daily chores and let everyone slide on their daily chores the house becomes a wreck and I dread dread dread the cleanup! So it is with my marriage. A good yearly spring cleaning is still a good idea even when I stay up with the daily disciplines but it doesn’t have to be so intense.

Marriage takes daily discipline too. From the things talked about in Step #4 like listening, affection, affirmation, unexpected gifts, to the simple loving words and gestures that communicate a desire for a good relationship.  When we let these daily disciplines go, we’re in for trouble.

While a marriage retreat, counseling or coaching may do a marriage a world of good, life is a lot more pleasant when we take the time to regularly nurture our relationships then, do these things to enrich a good thing – making a good marriage great –  like a good spring cleaning on a well kept house.

If your daily disciplines have been lacking and you’re feeling that sense of overwhelm or hopelessness – don’t despair – just do something!You may be able to simply begin implementing good daily relational disciplines.  You may need to begin healing through counseling. Or coaching may be right for you. When you want a better future and consciously make the choice to do something(s) differently, realizing that you have the power to be greater than the problem, you can count on a future that is better than ever before. Whether your relationship is in shambles or just status quo – coaching can make a big difference. And it can help even if your spouse isn’t interested. As the saying goes, “it only takes one person to change the world” and all you want to do is change your marriage!

One of my mottos for life that has served me very well: When something isn’t working, try something different – even if I’m not thrilled with any of my options. . . different is always better because even if it doesn’t work, it leads me to the next step which is one step closer to my solution. As you take time to consider what step you’ll take, try…..

Step #9  
Spend a little time daily 
to save a lot of time later 

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OH BROTHER!
Codependant 
and sick if you ask me.
HA! 
This is not what we’re going for.
 
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Desiring Growth?

Some say that the desire for growth is always rooted in dissatisfaction, I beg to differ. I may be odd, but dissatisfaction rarely inspires me. Initially I feel a bit down, negative and stuck, whereas contentment gives me freedom. I realize that I’m not stuck! Unhindered by negativity, I have the clear frame of mind to look at all the options, think out of my box without pressure, and remember to keep my eyes open for new ideas and possibilities   Dissatisfaction blinds me.

growthDesiring growth is a human phenomenon.  Throughout childhood we look forward to the next phase of life marking milestones and marking walls by the quarter inch.  Once our full stature is reached we continue to look ahead still marking milestones with graduations, marriage, children, careers and accomplishing goals – until we stop, or die.

When I believe dissatisfaction is a good foundation for growth I tend to focus on the negative and that leads me in a path I’d rather not travel. Often the first negative thought is not nearly as bleak as the next, nor that one as hopeless as the one that follows – it’s a downward spiral. Worse yet, dissatisfaction wells up in me a need to blame.  Blaming myself doesn’t help me any more than blaming you or even the circumstances.

Desiring growth, movement or change is not a choice – we are human – it is what we do. Cultivating contentment is a choice that God intends for us to make. When we choose to be grateful and live with a real sense of peace, our eyes are unveiled to possibilities that are veiled when we are dissatisfied.  Untainted by negativity we make healthy, wise decisions and fulfill the longing that never dies – growth.

Besides all that, contentment is way more fun!!  Not to mention the fact that we are called to be content.  We know God doesn’t intend for us to stagnate so I’m quite certain he wouldn’t call us to contentment if that is where it led.  Wanna grow?  Try contentment.  I’ve been so very blessed when that is the choice I’ve made.