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Friends etc. One of my favorite traditions has become our Christmas Eve Service. It is one of the most peaceful and reflective times of my year. I hope you will join us. 5pm- Rose Hill Middle School

Joy and Peace,

Growing can be painful!

I am listening to a book called The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg and he reminds us that we often don’t change habits until we are pained. The pain, or the problem, is our motivating factor. I don’t like that idea. I know it can be true, but I prefer to think that pure self- discipline and the desire to grow will motivate me to change my habits!

Regardless of what motivates us, he says that our brains form patterns and when we want to adjust those patterns, or change our habits, it isn’t as difficult as we often build it up to be. He says simply adjusting one thing can help us stick with a new habit we want to adopt. i.e.. If you want to exercise every morning, putting your workout clothes on, including your shoes, before doing anything else can break you out of a cycle that leads you to be sedentary in the morning. 

The book is great! He shares amazing stories and gives good instruction, but I had to laugh about the example above! I have been doing that for years and I’m embarrassed to think about how often it’s time for dinner and I’m still in my work out clothes! The luxury (or downfall) of working from home! I obviously need to break my pattern!  

One of the main reasons I became a coach was because I was sick and tired of being around so many people who were grumpy and negative.

As I was growing up, the lessons I heard at home and church, taught me that I was supposed to be “a light that shines brightly in this world!”. That sounded fun! I also learned that God’s Spirit would give me things like joy, love and peace, even in the midst of uncontrollable and undesirable circumstances. That all sounded great – I was in!  

But role models and like-minded peers were few and far between.

I noticed, even as a kid, that many church-goers could quote Jesus’ teachings verbatim, but it was quite evident, that their knowledge had little to no affect on their demeanor or behavior. That was sad, but it didn’t dampen my faith – it made me want to be light in the world, but especially in the church-world where people claimed these teachings!!

Being the human that I am, I’ve gone through periods of disappointment that left me discouraged and depressed. It is the Spirit who always turns me around! Yet, that turn is often preceded by people who’ve spoken words life into me. They help me remember who I am, my value and my purpose.

We are all broken, imperfect beings, who will at times, drift into dark thinking but we do not have to let darkness dominate us. I had a dark day this past week. I felt discouraged and a little angry, but, with the encouragement of my youngest son and husband, I took steps, out of my comfort zone, to address what had gotten me down and the darkness passed! 

When dark thoughts are dominating us, it takes effort, (and that effort can be uncomfortable) to move back into light. Like everything, the longer you’ve been there, the harder it is to move. Finding support is important, but ultimately it is up to us to make the choice and put in the effort. 

The great news is that when we continue to make good choices day after day, the easier it becomes to make those choices. As Charles Duhigg says in his book The Power of Habit, our brains are wired for patterns and we determine what those patterns are by what we do and think day after day. This is a gift from God!

Simply asking myself the question, “Suzette, what is dominating your thinking and behavior” helps my self-awareness and helps me stay grounded in the light.

Unless you’re the negative nilly–then by all means let them, so you can be your Best Self this holiday season!

Dr. Amen and many others have written books about how WE can change our brains. They concur that not only do we have the ability, but we have the responsibility, to make sure we, and our children, take measures to live, think and act in ways that create optimal brain health. 

But did you know that our brains are literally influenced by the brain waves of those we are with? I learned this from my Relationship Coaching teacher several years ago but in teaching the Bringing Baby Home workshop I have been reminded of that crazy fact. Dr. John Gottman has studied thousands and thousands of couples over the course of 30+ years. He is so good at what he does that he can predict, within 5 minutes, if a couple will divorce within the next 5 years with 90+% accuracy. Ha!…. that was a rabbit trail but too interesting to delete! He has also studied children and their parents. . . 

The astounding finding that every new parent should know, is that the brain wave patterns of a depressed parent will be adopted by the baby. In other words, the baby’s brain wave patterns will become depressed. When that happens, development is slowed and there can be long term consequences. Thankfully, as adults, they will have the opportunity to take charge of their brains.

Realizing the unseen battle of brain waves, helps us understand why we feel irritable after hanging out with a bunch of negative nillys and helps us understand how to navigate life. While I don’t recommend cutting off all friendships or contact with people who struggle with pessimism or depression, it is important to be conscious of how they are affecting us and, if needed, limit our exposure. More than anything, people who are depressed need to feel loved, and, influenced by positive brain wave patterns! Yet we must be careful because we lose our ability to love them well if we accidentally adopt their negative brain waves.

Do your part to remain a brilliant light in the world! Know for certain, how you love people consciously, and influence them unconsciously, can make a great difference in their lives and in the lives of those they influence! 

This holiday season, be your best self. Be the light of love, joy and peace.