Both Joe and Carri were determined to create a better future. They hoped it would be together but they were separated and there were no guarantees. After quite a few sessions they were beginning to believe each other when they said I want “us” to make it. “I want you to be the one I grow old with.”
Without vision for a better future we repeat the past. They didn’t want that to happen! It was time to begin dreaming of a wonderful restoration and of a marriage that was better than ever before. They each wrote out their ideas of an ideal future together then shared via Skype. Joe focused in on the short term. He was aching for a plan of reconciliation so he dreamed of how it might unfold. Carri was thinking long term and dreamed of long term things – like her ideal place to live. It did not go well! He was hurt because her ideal place to live happily ever after was not somewhere he ever wanted to live again! She was hurt because she risked sharing her inmost desires. Wasn’t that what they were supposed to do?
After talking through how they could have responded to each other in a more positive way they decided to give it another shot with a few ground rules in place. I summarized what we’d talked about in an email. This is what I said: “I would like to see you re-explore the dreams you each laid out. REMEMBERING these are not plans of action. You each just shared your heart. That was good. If you would now take time to engage in each others dreams that would be great. Asking each other questions that draw the other out and show your interest in them! … ie. how do you see your dream as benefitting our marriage? THEN after you have each had plenty of time to share your hearts, go one step farther. Try to engage in the other’s dream by identifying with something in it. ie. Joe might say “I appreciate the fact that you want for me, a job that is less draining and it makes me smile to think you want to be around me more. I hope that someday soon we can make this part of your dream a reality.” Just find something to identify with….. And of course Carri would do the same regarding Joe’s dream. If that is not enough to do this week 🙂 Carri came up with an Action Step that pertains to what you asked for Joe, in your Skype conversation – that is dealing with the responsibilities of life. She said, “I want us to be able to discuss money issues. I think we need to set some ground rules about how to do that, then develop a plan for dealing with our finances.” I said that’s a great idea, but talking about it and putting it into action are two different things. So my challenge is – Talk about it then… Put it into action. As you know, I’m praying for you! 🙂 HAVE A GREAT WEEK!