“It hasn’t been easy,” Tina said, “but I’m not heartbroken and I don’t feel that awful sense of rejection anymore. We are addressing every part, spiritual, emotional and physical. He’s owning his part and I actually believe him. We’ve had some very painful weeks, but not without it’s reward. Tim immediately said, “I echo that.”
Wow! I was so thankful that they were seeing and feeling the progress they’d made.
Tina was still suffering some serious sadness and having difficulty being vulnerable.
She was so afraid that he would revert to his old ways. Amazingly, she was now able to express her doubts and be heard without Tim taking on the guilt that used to send him into a downward spiral. She needed to process her feelings out loud. With conscious effort he had become strong enough and wise enough to do his part well. . . just listen and offer the support she had desperately desired for years.
What a blessed relief it was for Tim to finally realize that what she wanted was far easier than what he thought he needed to give! He really didn’t have to fix it.
He was discovering that expressing his thoughts, even when he was tempted to shut down was beneficial. He had assumed that Tina was not capable of hearing his heart and was delighted to find that when she felt his support, she reciprocated very well, treasuring the depths of his heart. After 15 long hard years they were connecting with each other on a deep level.
Tina voiced her conviction, “God is forcing me, or maybe just asking me, to grow up. My happiness cannot rely on Tim.” Bummer! She couldn’t use him as an excuse anymore. She knew that there would be seasons in life where he wouldn’t be on his behavior and because of that realized the importance of learning to guard her heart.
The freedom she found was empowering! By taking full responsibility for herself she could draw closer to Tim without fear.
Their hearts were connecting and so it was time for more than that. Both expressed fear about reconnecting intimately. It was a healthy conversation for Tim and Tina albeit a bit weird for me! I felt like a sex therapist. I managed to talk them through it and they were none the wiser that my face was flushed! (All of our coaching was via conference calls.) Give me a break – I didn’t get training for this and the depth of the topic was quite a surprise, but I did it and it helped them tremendously. The good new is, they did it! ha 🙂