Saving Relationships – Step #6 – Acknowledge the Facts about Happiness

Are you ready to give up and just want someone to give you permission? Hang around unhappy people and you may get it faster than you want.

People get divorced in hopes that, once it’s all over they will be happier, but statistics don’t support this idea.  We’ve all witnessed the trauma people go through before and during the divorce and we assume that when it’s all over life will be better.

“Does Divorce Make People Happy?” was the title of a study done by The Institute for American Values published a in 2002.  Their study included people who reportedly had unhappy marriages. Some of those studied remained married despite being in miserable relationships while others divorced. Five years later, the ones who remained married reported a greater degree of happiness than those who divorced. Only 19% of those who had divorced (or separated) claimed to be happier while 66% of those who stayed married reported being much happier.

“In fact, the most miserable marriages had the most dramatic turnarounds. Seventy-eight percent of people who stayed in very unhappy marriages said that the marriages were currently happy five years later” according to a study by Psychology Today. According to the National Institute of Mental Health the depression rate in women goes up significantly with each divorce.  I didn’t see the stats for men, but I would imagine it is not a lot different.

So where will you put your efforts? I hope that before you give up you will give your all out effort to Saving Your Marriage. To do that, you have to stop thinking about divorce and focus on what you can do each day to make your marriage better.

Trying to turn things around by yourself can be a long and hard road and my blog may not be quite enough inspiration 🙂  Marriage Coaching is much cheaper than a divorce and a much more positive approach than counseling. My mission is to help marriages be wildly successful – whether I coach you myself or put you in touch with another great marriage coach.  Stay tuned and I will share about a dramatic 180 degree turn around I’ve recently been privileged to coach.  With their permission, I will tell you about a couple who for many many years communicated by screaming, yelling and silence to listening, caring, planning and dreaming together.

For more information, see the article “Don’t Divorce. Be Happy,” November-December 2002.