Everyone thought Tim’s addiction problem was a thing of the past – even Tim. It had been more than a decade since he’d had a drink but suddenly he was aware of a new addiction. Self loathing had taken the place of alcohol. He used to sit in the back yard and drink and cry. It felt good to let it all out. Without the alcohol he didn’t cry much anymore but boy could he throw a good pity party! Getting healthy would mean he couldn’t attend those daily parties anymore. He too was having an identity crisis.
Tina was sick of it. She was glad he was having an epiphany but thought, “it’s about time!” She thought, “I’ve been doing all the work.” She hadn’t tackled forgiveness yet, but she still wasn’t ready. She needed him to suffer a little more and she wanted a guarantee that if she did forgive him, he would not hurt her again. Well aware that it was his choice as to whether or not to put in the effort she decided to sit back and wait for him to make a move. A little more patience wouldn’t kill her.
They both knew that a big move in the right direction would be for Tim to see a doctor to find out just how low his testosterone was. They were aware it had been a little low, but years had passed and his complete lack of interest in sex just seemed odd. Tina had always taken good care of herself – she’s a beautiful woman. They agreed she had put in more effort since we started coaching and it was time for him to step it up.
He made an appointment and whoa! No wonder they were having trouble! He needed shots. Fear increased – not because he was afraid of needles. Tim was afraid of becoming healthy! Fortunately love overpowered fear and he began getting the injections.
Tina’s faith was sustaining her. She was becoming stronger by focussing on how God was empowering her. Tim’s heart was changing too. The sermon that week was “co-incidentally” about how God doesn’t promise an easy life but does give us the ability to choose joy and have internal peace. This one hit home in a big way. He listened to it repeatedly and determined to put self loathing behind him.
ACTION STEPS
Tina
– be more gracious in accepting gestures of affection
– decide what it would take to forgive Tim
Tim
– follow through with doctors
– stop self loathing-notice when it creeps up and reject it
– continue to be affectionate