Tag: growth

Posted on

Feeling Robbed, Cheated or Deprived of Precious Time?

3302848
Negative thinking creeps in fast especially when we feel robbed, cheated or deprived. But allowing this feeling to persist only weakens us and makes us more vulnerable to the attack of the thief!

While some people struggle because of demanding work schedules, others feel robbed because they are compelled to deal with situations and circumstances not of their choosing. Still others feel cheated because of needy people.

Deciding how you want to spend your time is the first step to fighting the time bandits. This can be a tricky and heady conversation. Heady in the sense that it may be one “Tending to upset the mind or balance of the senses.”

For many giving creedence to what they can’t control and taking responsiblity of their own values, responses, actions and feelings is tough. If you are not clear on these, that is the first place to start. Assuming you already have a good grasp on that, this simple process helps fight the time bandit and bring victory.

Unlike physical robbery, the thief can only steal a days worth of time, or a days worth of peace. It may take more than a day to get your security system in order, but with a little research and proper installation/utilization, he won’t keep stealing for long!

3 Steps for Combatting The Time Bandit
1.Determine what is causing the feeling of loss. Ask “what specifically has the thief stolen?” Write everything down.

2.Consider what security you currently have in place to keep the bandit from stealing again? He will return, so what is it you will put in place to deter him? If you don’t know, where will you start your research? ADT, Front Point and Home Depot all have good options for securing your home. It’s time to explore the options for securing your heart. Much better to lose your possessions than waste your life feeling robbed, cheated or deprived.

3. After determining your security system look back at #1 to be sure you’ve covered all your bases. Then get to work installing the security system for your heart.

I’d love to hear your stories! Please take a minute and comment here.

Posted on

Make The Most of Opportunities – Priorities & Planning

8357344
“Make the most of every opportunity” is something that rings in my ears frequently and the volume has been way up lately!

Our eldest son just graduated from college and, as all parents do, I thought “where has the time gone”? A question I ask often.
 
I don’t want to get to the end of my life and feel like it just slipped away.
Old people always say things like ‘take time to smell the roses,’  but we’re encouraged to set goals, be focussed and work hard to attain them. The questions is, how do we do both?

When I fly by the seat of my pants I usually get a lot done (I am very task oriented) but flying by the seat of my pants makes it more difficult for me to be completely ‘present’ because my brain wonders what I ‘should’ be doing.  As you may know I hate that word ‘should,’ so it really irritates me when I realize I am shoulding on myself. 

My AhHa was realizing why a little planning helps me be fully present. . . It allows me to make the most of the present opportunity rather than thinking about what I could or should be doing. 

**Daily planning when spawned from goals can be good, but all too often when I focus only on this, I accomplish a lot toward those goals but still feel empty. Living a more fully integrated life has helped me meet goals and feel a sense of fulfillment. By including my core values and deepest desires in my planning I am able to attain both.  Centering only on the doings of life like career planning causes a feeling of emptiness and as though I’ve missed the roses along the way.  I have zero desire to reach my career goals yet when I reach retirement, or worse, my death bed, to look back and feel like life slipped away. So I’m into prevention!

Intentionally planning to have meaningful relationships and trying to remember to cherish each moment helps me plan more wisely and makes me more conscientious about time management. I plan to take time each day for those I love, although I must say, I struggle to make time for long distance relationships. I’m not so good at making room for the stuff of life either, like the daily tasks of laundry, cooking and such, but even those become less mundane when I look at the bigger picture. The stuff of life moves from being an obstacle or hindrance to an opportunity, but believe me, I still have tons of room to grow!

What I know is that by taking time each evening to be purposeful in my planning I am more likely to make the most of every opportunity. A few of my most recent opportunities have included joining my husband in yard work, listening to one my youngest sons new ideas (I have no idea what he was talking about but I am interested in him so I listened and tried to learn about being a DJ), helping clean a house so some young men could get their deposit back, making graduation announcements, working on my next speaking engagement etc…. They are all opportunities and I want to make the most of them.  I’ve found that if I cheerfully help clean up the yard, chatting and connecting with my husband in the process, even though I forgot to actually smell the roses, it doesn’t matter. These opportunities are the roses of life. When I dread them, they’re more like a thorn bush. When I choose to embrace them as opportunities, I enjoy them, like the scent of a rose. 

Posted on

10 Questions To Improve Your Legacy

8022688

The Big Question:  
If you knew you were going to die in 6 months but could not change your relationship status, job/position or financial status (no loans or credit cards allowed) what would you do to ensure you would be remembered as you wish?     

2) Who would you spend more/less time with?

3) What words of life and encouragement would you speak into your children, your spouse, parents etc.?

4) What unhelpful thoughts would you stop thinking?

5) What bucket list items would you be sure to accomplish?

6) What would be the most important thing you would want to share with your loved ones? acquaintances?

7) How would you spend your money that would show you honoring your values?

8) Who would you hope to influence the most? In what way?

9) What would you want people to say at your memorial service?

10) How will you begin to implement these things so that if you do die in 6 months, 6 weeks or 6 days you will leave the legacy you desire?

Posted on

What’s Your Perfectionism Prohibiting?

Dr. Brene Brown says perfectionism is a
“way of thinking that seeks to avoid shame, blame and judgement.”

Determining the difference between being a perfectionist and the pure desire for excellence has been a gray and blurry line for me. Isn’t it noble that there are things I have not done at all or have put off until I could “give it more time” because I didn’t want to do it half heartedly! I remember my Sunday school teacher saying  “if a thing is worth doing, it’s worth doing well,” yet, most good things, taken to the extreme, can become a bad things.For me, that good idea crossed the line and  became a bad thing because it kept me from doing things -things I would have enjoyed learning and pursuing. But I didn’t. Because I knew it would take a lot of time and effort to become an expert. What I know now that I didn’t know then is that being an “expert” is as much a mindset as it is knowing the material! haha – I could get on a soapbox here but I will refrain. 🙂

Why not just do some things for pure enjoyment? Oh noooo….. that would be setting myself up for criticism. As Dr. Brene Brown says perfectionism is a “way of thinking that seeks to avoid shame, blame and judgement.”

I’d like to be able to disagree with Dr. Brown. I prefer to think I was a skilled at preserving the confidence I did have – not a perfectionist! But reality says that a perfectionist seeks to avoid criticism therefore, if they can’t do what it takes to do something perfectly or at least very well, they don’t do it at all.

My first Life Coach, Laurie Hardie, jolted me out of my comfort zone and I’ve never been the same. She encouraged me to do things that were risky but so much fun! Since then, I’ve realized that it’s ok to do things just for fun. If I let people know that I’m just doing something for fun it puts me at ease. My expectations for myself change.  I simply expect to have fun.

Please don’t get me wrong, hard work, discipline and life long learning are highly valuable to our well being, but we can’t be experts at everything, so why not let perfection go and enjoy life? It’s a lot more fun!

Posted on

Sharing a Note I Wrote to a Couple I’m Coaching

9058377
I’m sharing a portion of a note I sent to clients because I thought  it may be helpful for other couples who are struggling.  Of  course names are changed to protect the identities, and wording changed just slightly.  When I wrote it I had no intention of using it as a blog post. It was written quickly, after a session. It reveals

“First of all, you two are on your way to having a great new season of life. The desire you both have to have a fulfilling relationship is paramount yet it’s coupled with Jan’s determination to strengthen her own character and John, your encouraging support. Unless one of you just rolls over and gives up, refusing to do the work – you are going to come through this with flying colors!!

I understand that dreaming together was a difficult Action Step, though I’m not sorry you did it because it gave me insight as to where your communication struggles are.

One of the first rules of dreaming together (that I obviously did not make clear) is that there is to be no judgement on dreams. The point of dreaming together is to get to know the other’s heart.  Dreams are not plans of action, they are expressions of what makes YOUR heart sing. Therefore, I hope you will not stop dreaming together.

Some may think that because the other’s dreams look very different than their own that they are not meant for each other – and they should go their separate ways – I disagree whole heartedly.  I believe that it is in the overlapping of our dreams that true fulfillment comes. It is when we look at the core of what causes us to dream what we do that we learn to appreciate and value each other’s deepest desires.  It draws us back to that place of loving deeply. Once we do that, overlapping our dreams is not nearly so difficult and incredibly fulfilling.

I would like to see you re-explore the dreams you each laid out.  REMEMBERING these are not plans of action. You each just shared your heart. That was good. If you would now take time to engage in each others dreams that would be great.  Asking each other questions that draw the other out … ie. how do you see your dream as benefitting our marriage?  THEN  after you have each had plenty of time to share your hearts…. go one step farther and by trying to engage in the other’s dream by identifying with something in it.  ie. John might say “I appreciate the fact that you want for me a job that is less draining and, it makes me smile to think you  want to be around me more.  I hope that someday soon we can make this part of your dream a reality.”  –  just find something to identify with and hope for….. And of course Jan, you would do the same regarding John’s dream.  There are more steps but I think for now this is enough.

A big part of this exercise is learning to focus your attention on what is good. This very small thing is absolutely huge in healing your hearts and moving forward.  Truthfully, there have always been, (even when you were dating and first married) many negative things and many differences you could have focussed on, but you chose not to. Somewhere along the line most couple’s focus shifts. We don’t realize it until we’re glued on looking at the negatives.  Fortunately that glue isn’t permanent! We get to choose our focus.”

If you are married and have stopped dreaming together, I  hope this will encourage you to begin dreaming together again and remind us all that we have a choice as to where we place our focus.