Tag: lifecoaching

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Positive Thinking Not Working?

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We’re a few weeks into the new year and they say 85% of resolutions have already been broken.  If  that’s true for you, my guess is you thought you had a pretty good strategy. You planned to muster up more will power and start your days with positive thoughts. 

Yeah well, don’t feel bad. We’ve been bombarded for years with positive thinking scams – it’s no wonder we, as a society, have fallen prey to this elusive idea that just doesn’t work.


Now don’t get me wrong. I am a huge proponent of making lemonade when life gives me lemons.  Looking for the good in life what I do, but thinking I will accomplish things just because my little mind wants to is ridiculous unless I use my little mind to put a plan in place to make it happen.  That plan has to have a few steps (or even just one)that I can take, today. And then a few more tomorrow and so on until magically, I reach my goal!  Too big of a step and I’m back to square one because my legs only stretch so far … past that point – I am injured.

Exercise is a great example. While we have to push ourselves a little farther than is comfortable in order to move on to the next goal, taking on too much will result in injury. So it is in life.  Injury or failure do not have to end  the pursuit. Everyone will experience them occasionally. Those who become successful are those who view the set back as a signal to take time to recover, then reassess move forward at a more reasonable pace.

Support is another key ingredient. Weight Watchers is highly successful because  they are there for support  and they help you with setting your goals. It’s not just one big number looming out there that feels totally overwhelming….. they help you week by week set little goals that will in time lead you to that big number – and it works! Almost like magic! 🙂

If will power and positive thinking have failed you, it’s not too late.  Find the support you need, set your goal and then make a plan with doable Action Steps.  And we’ll be saying Woot with you sooner than you think! 

Here’s a shout out for the 15% who are on track with their goals! Woot! Keep up the good work!  I’m confident, many more will be joining you soon.

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REDIRECT! REDIRECT!

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We all hit the wall now and then. The question is will you crash and burn or back up, fix the damage and redirect?

So often we hit the wall because we’ve neglected the whispers of wisdom that come in a variety of forms. Maybe it’s because we don’t always recognize wisdom? Maybe we think it’s negativity? 

Do you know what I’m talking about? Like when your plate is too full and you keep forgetting things – like dentist appointments (that would be me.) Could it be I just hate going to the dentist? Not really, but it was easy to think that, to avoid the truth.  The truth is I WANT my kids to get to the dentist and I’d forgotten their appointments! Hmmm, was this brain lapse possibly a gentle reminder that I am not great a juggling 15 balls at once?  A whisper of wisdom speaking? Yes! Fortunately I didn’t hit the wall. I was able to put the brakes on this time. But that has not always been the case.

Too often we get to the point where we can barely function, we have a fender bender, then think ridiculous things, like wondering what we’ve done to deserve this or, we’re not as capable as others or, we just have to be stronger.  Or have we fallen asleep at the wheel and can’t think at all, having analyzed things to the point of paralysis.

Hitting the wall in the first place is quite unpleasant but it happens. So when it happens, what’s a better way to handle it?  What about resting? If it’s not physical rest you need, it’s probably mental. Most of us can’t afford a week of solitude – we have too many responsibilities! But what about a day. NOT to catch up but to think, meditate, pray or journal – yes, a whole day. Long ago there was this thing called Sabbath. A day once a week when people rested – it was planned for, and it happened. What a great idea! So why not try it once?  Just surrender your agenda for a day.

Using some of the time to make sense of the chaos and listening for the whispers of wisdom that have been trying to be heard can bring light to your dark place. Looking at your experience of “hitting the wall” as a rude awakening is probably pretty accurate. The experience is more than a whisper of wisdom it’s the truth screaming loud and clear – REDIRECT REDIRECT!

A better way of living is to rest regularly and be on the alert for those whispers of wisdom, avoiding the wall altogether. Here’s to a year of not hitting the wall!

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Transformation is Inevitable

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I accidentally stumbled across a paper on my computer about transformation that my son wrote when he was a senior in high school. I decided to  share with you the first paragraph because it explains, very nicely, that transformation is in fact, inevitable.

Caleb Parker
Mrs. Raynor
Eng 12 honors – 6
19 October 2008

Transformation

Transformation happens almost everywhere. It happens in nature when flowers grow up from the smallest seeds. Transformation is visible when scientific theories develop from a few individual facts into a more cohesive understanding of a subject. Children transform slowly into adults. Transformation is a theme running rampant on earth. In his novel A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens exploits the theme of transformation. Transformation as an idea makes no moral judgments; it only describes one thing undergoing a change into another.  Dickens recognizes this concept and the transformations of his characters show this concept. Not every transformation is good or bad. Some transformations are good, some bad and some may even be neutral but in each transformation some element of human nature is displayed.

My question is, are you pleased with the transformation happening in your life? As people look on, what “element of human nature is displayed”?

While many transformations always follow the same pattern, the direction of your transformation is a decision of your heart whether or not it is consciously made.  If you want that direction to be different, you have the ability to change courses at any point.

My hope for you is that if you are not pleased with where you are headed, physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually that you will do whatever it takes to get on a new path.

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Skeptical About Life Coaches?

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That’s a good thing! Just like everything else in life there are good ones and bad ones. Think about it, from politics to churches and everything in between…. there are good ones and bad ones!  

Years ago, before I became a coach, I read an article on the subject at my doctors office, then read the book Cure For The Common Life by Max Lacado that referenced coaching – I became cautiously interested. Slightly skeptical, I did some research. What did I think about coaching? There were several hurdles I had to overcome.  One hurdle was …..’coaching works from the place of desire’. . . .sounded like things could get sketchy or it could be promoting narcissism. hmmm. 

A deeper understanding of what coaching is and why it works helped me jump that hurdle quickly.

One of the many reasons coaching works so effectively is because, unless a human is hardened by evil, we all want the same things.  Our deepest ‘desires’ are to love and be loved; to experience joy; to have a peaceful contented heart; we want others to have patience with us and we want to be more patient; we want people to be kind to us and we wish we knew how to be kind without sacrificing what we want; we want to be good people; we long for faithful relationships; we want others to be gentle with us when we’re feeling fragile and we want to be gentle with others; we can’t stand to be with people who have no self control or discipline and we would love to be more disciplined and posses more self control. Although many don’t recognize these, they are universal desires of people who are striving to be the best they can be.

When clients goals don’t line up with these deep desires it doesn’t take long for them to revise and redirect.

I invite you to send me your skeptical thoughts about coaching. I would love to have the opportunity to address them. My intent is not to persuade you into thinking coaching is great for everyone – it’s not. However, your input will challenge me to think and grow – and I love that!  Rest assured, I will keep your thoughts anonymous, unless you tell me otherwise.  I hope to hear from you.

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Feel Like a Loser?

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Do you feel like a loser because you don’t have lofty goals? Maybe you’re still a kid or maybe you’re 35, 40 or 65 and you still don’t know what you want to be when you grow up?

I want to assure you that although it seems like everyone else is “dreaming big” – they aren’t! My coaching experience testifies to that fact. People often come because they want to dream big. Sadly, most folks live life wishing they had something wonderfully fulfilling to be passionate about. Something that would utilize all of the potential within them.

When clients come for this purpose, we usually talk about things they are good at and things they enjoy and then do some brain storming. It’s fun and they usually learn a lot about themselves. After exploring things, I usually ask the question, “If you were going to volunteer somewhere, what would you like to do?” Somehow the simple question moves people away from being self focussed and in turn brings about a revelation of how they want their life to be fulfilling.
The fact is most of us could do quite a number of different things, do them well and find some satisfaction in them, yet it seems that there is some correlation to giving of ones self and finding passion and fulfillment.

If you’re struggling, think about what it is you would love to do as a volunteer. If it is not something you can actually do (like becoming a firefighter at 65yrs of age), think about what it is that makes it appealing and then broaden your thinking. Regardless of what you come up with, just knowing what you want to do and working toward that goal is incredibly satisfying

Some may find fulfillment in actually volunteering while others, with this new found passion, may choose to pursue it as career. The great thing is, you won’t ever have to wish you had something to be passionate about again!