Tag: time

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Regain Enthusiasm

How I Regained Enthusiasm 
Could This Be What You Need?
3ddec2a4-3d0d-4742-98db-b639d2618a83When I stopped writing my newsletter a year ago, I needed a break. I had new things on my plate and rather than trying to do it all, I decided to back off on a few things. Besides that, I’d lost my enthusiasm for writing.

When our enthusiasm is gone, we feel stuck. I sure did! I spent some time down in the rut, but then, I took my first step. Being a coach, I knew that to move out of stuck, I needed to reassess where I was (overwhelmed) and then get clear about where I wanted to be. Since I was feeling overwhelmed, I backed off on things that were draining my energy.

Taking a break is essential to being able to think clearly. Humans were designed to need rest and relaxation. Our brains need time think outside the confines of our daily grind. We also need to time to think about nothing!

Sometimes we only need a short break. Just a day away to REthink, REfocus and REmember why we are doing what we are doing.

I needed a longer break. Taking a break gave me time to refocus and get clarity. During my break I began working with Stronger Families, and I was reminded – I work better with a team. I need them for inspiration. Though I travel all over the country – alone, there is a team of Master Level Trainers that I’m connected to as well as the SF staff – they inspire me!

It sounds easy, ‘just take a break,’ but that first step can be really hard! We get so bogged down with life and what we ‘have’ to do, that we have no brain space for what we ‘could’ do. We may have no idea why we’ve lost our enthusiasm, but it is gone – long gone!

What I learned during my break from writing was that I needed to develop a team of  coaches to work with if I wanted to reengage with writing and take on more clients. I have done that and I have been inspired to write again! My colleagues are great! I will introduce you to Kim Kompel and Ted Hackney soon.

Though we may feel like we have no choice, isn’t being stuck just the result of making the same choice over and over again? I thought I “had” to write my newsletter. If I didn’t, I’d be throwing away everything I’d worked for. When we get stuck in a rut we begin to believe it’s the only way. We’re no longer going where we want to go but can’t see any other way.

Simply reframing our choices and realizing we are NOT stuck, we have chosen this path today and consciously recognizing our freedom to make a different decision, whenever we are ready, helps us feel much better! It can REnew our enthusiasm and bring life back our endeavors.

align=”center”>REthink, REfocus & REmember 

for
REnewal

 

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Saving Relationships – Step #5 – Grown Apart? How to Reconnect.

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Dave – lovin’ life!

If you’ve read steps 1-4, you may be thinking, “yeah those suggestions are all well and good, but more effort on my part is a futile waste of energy.”  I know that feeling. I’ve been there once or twice… and to keep it real, my husband has been there too. It’s possible you’re married to a psycho or sociopath – in that case, you probably aren’t reading this – but YOU are, so there is a ray (as small as it may be) of hope.

What makes me think all these little Action Steps will make a difference?  There are many reasons, but let me make one thing clear…. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it takes a commitment of love that continues to: “Be creative, be intentional, be consistent and be persistent. Your dedication to the process, regardless of the initial response, is key to your success.”In response to my question – these type of things work because what humans long for is connection. From conception to the time we are born we are completely connected to our mothers for our very existence. Once the cord is cut we long to connect to others.

I have a son who loves to talk to me and listens pretty well too. I shared this idea and began to explain that the connection we all long for is to be listened to and understood. He immediately said that words are insufficient for being understood! So true. We agreed that the beginning of connection is to be listened to and cared for. We may not be able to understand, but we can care!  Just think about it, we begin to connect with people by being interested in them and in their interests. And we feel connected to others when they are interested in us and our interests. Steps 1-4 help you connect by showing you care.

Step #5 takes that connection a bit deeper. Talking about each other’s interests is great, but when we get involved with each others lives and your interest becomes my interest, we connect in a much bigger way.
Some therapists suggest that you should do this even if you don’t enjoy each other’s interests. That’s great if you can do  it with a cheerful heart, but it’s a terrible idea if you end up miserable – that takes the joy out of it for both of you!Finding common ground for fun can be hard when you feel like you’ve “grown apart.” But here’s an example of how we’ve brought some joy back to our relationship. He loves to go on 3 or 4 day fishing trips. I don’t love fishing. That catch and release thing seems like such a waste of time but I do love being out on the water – for a while, so I will accompany him one day and maybe even do a little fishing. What I love is to be in a beautiful setting, with a good cup of coffee and a book. You get the idea. We were creative and it has worked out beautifully.

Irish novelist (1825) Maria Edgeworth says, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, All play and no work makes Jack a mere toy.”  I would change ‘toy’ to ‘boy’ and add that the same is true for Jill – except she doesn’t become a boy 🙂

The point being – relationships take work but without a good dose of fun on regular basis a marriage will be dull and unhealthy.

What will you do, this week, with your spouse, that is just plain fun – for both of you?

Step #5 – Connect by having fun together.

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Feeling Robbed, Cheated or Deprived of Precious Time?

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Negative thinking creeps in fast especially when we feel robbed, cheated or deprived. But allowing this feeling to persist only weakens us and makes us more vulnerable to the attack of the thief!

While some people struggle because of demanding work schedules, others feel robbed because they are compelled to deal with situations and circumstances not of their choosing. Still others feel cheated because of needy people.

Deciding how you want to spend your time is the first step to fighting the time bandits. This can be a tricky and heady conversation. Heady in the sense that it may be one “Tending to upset the mind or balance of the senses.”

For many giving creedence to what they can’t control and taking responsiblity of their own values, responses, actions and feelings is tough. If you are not clear on these, that is the first place to start. Assuming you already have a good grasp on that, this simple process helps fight the time bandit and bring victory.

Unlike physical robbery, the thief can only steal a days worth of time, or a days worth of peace. It may take more than a day to get your security system in order, but with a little research and proper installation/utilization, he won’t keep stealing for long!

3 Steps for Combatting The Time Bandit
1.Determine what is causing the feeling of loss. Ask “what specifically has the thief stolen?” Write everything down.

2.Consider what security you currently have in place to keep the bandit from stealing again? He will return, so what is it you will put in place to deter him? If you don’t know, where will you start your research? ADT, Front Point and Home Depot all have good options for securing your home. It’s time to explore the options for securing your heart. Much better to lose your possessions than waste your life feeling robbed, cheated or deprived.

3. After determining your security system look back at #1 to be sure you’ve covered all your bases. Then get to work installing the security system for your heart.

I’d love to hear your stories! Please take a minute and comment here.